Hi Moggle :3
6/30/2026 - I like this way of speaking. Where it feels like planting something in the garden so you can look at it whenever you'd like...
You said something like. Coding will just look at you with a smirk instead of telling you what you do wrong. my favorite thing to do wrong is to forget "https://" and i think figuring out how to format details about style took me a while to figure out ... I am proud of you for starting! i am so happy to get to link our webs together too, put a passageway somewhere between our worlds... it makes my heart quiver to think about it =w= it makes them feel like real places, that we can carve and inhabit.. I also do Love finding things :3 turning over rocks and looking close and seeing patterns in leaves... I Hope to leave some things for You to find!! theyre fun to leave.. Maybe not anything the first time i write this :3 since im tired...
I am So Excited to see what you do with your space :3 I am so curious to see how you will decorate it, what you'll collect... how it will change ... i am especially excited and curious for how you might surprise me!

I want to start with... Making space for what i have thought about LiS so far... what i can remember of the experience. if it gets big enough i'll move it to another page / make it collapsable :wcool:


I Have more i want to say... but i am sleepie :,3 Goodnight Marshall, i hope you have peaceful dreams, and i wish there were a way to ensure it because i know how tough it is... I hope your run helps :3 you inspire me to want to run ^_^ i am starting with walking though heh... i am enjoying that first
Goodnight, i love you :3

7/1/2026 - The start of artfight :scshocked: I have a sketch but i'd rather do this right now... I'm already getting caught up cuz I can't remember how to reorganize this page into a shape i want -w- i reallllyyy struggle with putting things off to the side and like... Doing pretty much anything *except* centering it... Maybe you can help me learn at some point LOL but thats part of the reason Everything on my site is so centered (I do like it, too! But more pages will look more different when I one day learn... )
You're at work right now! i Like the sound of your job... You and Basil give me hope that i don't have to be a shut in forever and (as much as i like that i Can Draw and ALSO get to utilize That as a potential option! that makes me very happy too!) know that i have more options than 'just' being a freefloating artist... I spend some time almost every day now i think visualizing something in my mind for what I think some rock piles look like at your work. Sometimes I imagine the rocks perspective LOL seeing you with goggles & a mask and getting blasted with water (this is what i imagine happens) I keep wondering about what Colors would be available to me over there... I Keep wondering what it would feel like to crush some of the softer iowa rocks up... ive struggled to find softer rocks here so far, but i think it could just be that i don't really know what I'm looking for. Did i tell you i found some oak galls? I had been trying to find some on my walks cuz they're like, a sort of dye material for making a very good dark ink, from what i understand? Apparently one of the highest sources of tannins in nature, which i Think, if i remember correctly, can sort of act as a binding agent like =_- built in with the Other stuff in there.... I dont know if i'm remembering right. Oak galls come from, i think, when a wasp lays an egg (or something?) in an oak tree and the tree has a sort of like, immune response? and it makes this little ball, and then i think the wasp comes out & the ball dries out and falls off? and that is an oak gall? I honestly end up kind of confused about the whole process i dont think i was paying that much attention, i just wanted to know what to Look For. I found Several, but the first few times I found one i picked it up and looked at all the sides of it and went "This can't be it..." and squeezed it and said out loud "is this a mushroom?" and looked closely and concluded.... Maybe?? I wasnt Sure :S i dropped the first few that i picked up, cuz i wasnt sure. Until i found one that was split open and i could see the inside... It had these like, inward spikes, or tendrils, or like, LMFAO... like if you tried to use these things to Chain something to the center (The wasp baby... :scshocked:) and it escaped (they also have a tiny hole in them ! btw! if you ever want to look for some yourself!) and then i was like "that is Not a mushroom... theres no way" cuz! I've never seen a mushroom that looks like That on the inside of the fruiting body ? LOL it was Crazy bro it looked like they were trying to keep Tai Lung 2 in there! We found a park ranger and i held it out to him (he had a pbj sandwich i could smell btw... it smelled kinda good it made me hungry) and was like "can you tell me what this is?" and he looked at it for a sec and was like "That... Exactly... I'm not sure..." and i said i wondered if it was an oak gall or a fungus and... I felt like... LOL i felt like Guy With Hyperfixation who goes into an establishment and info dumps to the employees LOL TwT it makes me feel silly and like it looks like i was trying to go "well *i*" know LOL he suggested letting google photo or whatever take a look at it ... I didn't end up taking any more but i took the one home, and was able to confirm it was Indeed a gall.

I didn't even wanna make that black ink LOL i just wanted to know what i was LOOKING for and how rare these things were! Turns out not terribly rare, i just didnt expect them to be like that. I expected them to be harder, i think? theyre kinda like... crinkly and a little spongey...
that was a big ramble :3 Anyways it makes me wonder if knowing what i am Looking For with so many of these things would help... I feel like just after a couple days of really trying, i've gotten better at finding And Spotting certain things. Do you know how much mica there is literally *Everywhere* on the ground here? i had no idea because i was looking for something that looked totally different... It is so so easy to see in the daylight because it Sparkles so bright and big compared to everything else! and recognizing certain textures gets a little easier, like when im looking for a specific kind of white rock... i sometimes wonder what You would be able to see and pick out and how you would look for them. I wonder if knowing more of what you're looking at helps at all...

I Thought i knew what HTTPS stood for but... now i am realizing i dont ... think i Do LOL wow... I wonder if it is the same as html..
One of my favorite things about This... Web.. Coding... Thing... Sitemaking... is how like... you can make it layered and deep in unexpected ways. Like a russian nesting doll, or a library with deep walls with tons of books... Being able to link other pages and collapse meaning into something as small as one character, or pixel, and make it accessible, i think is very... cool :3! exciting... I see my ellipses making a sea LOL i put them whenever i pause to think irl. Here's a bit of advice on how i'd make images smaller! I hope to link more pages soon... like a journal with all sorts of foldouts and notes. I think it'd be fun to make a page recording some of the food we've had Heh..
i have more to say, but I feel my head is filling with fuzz and i need to get up and move =w= Good afternoon! you inspire me :3

Picking back up. Read through the rest! First of all, wilted rose emoji should be an emoji you can just use :3 🥀 if you can copy & paste the symbol. You only need to add images for custom emojis, but Most emojis like the ones on your phone or twitter or built into discord are default ones, where your device / browser will just try to interpret it :3! Secondly, ive heard almost all of these songs before (maybe all?) but i will listen again when i find the time to turn on my ears... I like the idea, i want to make a bit talking about music between us as well... it will begin stewing . taps claws together evilly.


I am trying to push myself in as many ways as i can see lately. I wanna one day feel caught up to you, to where I can help uplift you. I want to be there for you. My life is better for it.

I am trying to remember how i code as i do this... I love that you can do this :3. Or this! or this ? :3 See... I just figured out how to do inline color text again, it's Easy, it was so difficult to figure out the first time... You can use right click & inspect element to see how a site is made up :3! some are more difficult to read, but mine are usually pretty easy cuz i dont nest a million divs for every element (I do on some pages LMAO) its not difficult to pinpoint what something is on someones site, and then its easier to figure out how they did it ^__^ i feel like youd be curious about some sites & things you'll see... It wont demystify everything, but it's always a good starting point!! Plus sometimes there will be stuff people intentionally hide in there.... Not often At All but it's sometimes a path people look down for like, args and stuff :3 it Used to be a more popular thing to do... :P hiii thanks for checking hehe... i love that u looked!

Did you notice spacing was off?
How do you like to investigate?
Have i ever told you that when i was a kid, as a part of an easter egg hunt i had to 'hack' into a website my parents set up. The password was in the html.
I like websites that give you information for clicking around and looking in corners. I love video games that do that too... I feel like more i played as a Kid used to, especially with like insane collectibles LOL, but i love when games are like Yes that *was* a slightly different tile than the rest and it Did mean something :3 or when you bother to check under the stairs just cuz its a nook you can't see, and there Is a chest! (ily skyrim!) I like sites that do that as well... I'm often looking for them, moving my mouse over every part of the screen looking for something Clickable looking or moving or a gif or png that stands out or Something... Fun game of search for me, and its fun to see peoples sites :3 most of it is out in the open LOL
I think for me it is that... it will reward you the amount you look & have faith in it... The things arent meant to be Hidden Away, theyre hidden because theyre meant to be Found... But only by someone willing to look :,3 something about it... its like a shared secret :3
i think one of my favorite parts is to say things pretending you can and can't see them... then it's okay if you never Get It, you might have never found it in the first place...
I feel like its similar to what i like about your writing, and art. what i like to do with Some of my art, when I'm in the right mindset... Where it extends itself to be understood, but you still have to Reach, slow down, be patient, want it. Want to find something... details that tell you a human was like... capturing a feeling... Tries to put you there, and put that feeling in your hands, or surround you in it, rather than just describing it to you.

I am Unbelievably excited just at the potential for this medium i think... Of how you can get it to evoke a mood, of how interactive it can be! Pairing it and linking to media all around the web.... you understand, you've been doing it with your oc profiles -w- im just excited to see you without Any Barriers!! and seeing you in the open pasture makes me wanna play in it Too!

getting to the end of the night and listening to some of these songs again... You would believe that Trees used to be one of my like top 3 songs, right? I made little animatics to it in my sketchbook. And i still can hardly remember it :,3 i really Hope there is hope for my music memory, honestly. In some ways it is sweet, but I wish i could have remembered what any song sounded like... I have to make an active effort to write to memory as im listening what is special about it to me, verbalize it in the moment and try to remember That.... i used to love this song :,3 . When i was a kid, i used to wonder tons and tons about what the "true" meaning of twenty one pilots songs were. I wondered what the lyrics meant to Tyler, specifically. I Knew they were meant to be interpreted to some degree, but I wondered what they meant to Him. I remember as a kid feeling like... That... Soul connection in your heart when you feel like someone Understands and can speak and verbalize something For You, when i would listen to twenty one pilots LOL.. I loved self titled and vessel, but im pretty sure i was a regional at best fan the most... I remember that being kinda controversial. I can't remember whats in it, only that it meant a lot to me. I liked blurryface :3 but i liked the other ones more... The stuff afterwards didn't hold me as hard as the stuff before 2016. I used to draw fanart of them LOL until i showed my friend Tiffany, and i told her that i like, listened to every interview, found every deep cut song, etc etc. & she was like "Oh no you were like Obsessed. No i wasnt like that." so then i tried to get more normal.. When I was a teenager, i really hoped i'd go to a twenty one pilots concert. I had a hard hard time letting myself want, i remember i couldn't even be Sure, because it didn't feel like it'd ever be possible for me, even though some of my friends went :,3 ... I never ended up going, and at this point i don't listen to their stuff as much anymore.. i like them. they helped me through a lot :3 i listened to them so much and wondered about their friendship and secretly hoped to kinda be like josh one day and learn to drum... but i think everybody does when they watch a drummer play LOL i liked that they would Lie in interviews all the time, but sometimes i wondered if they tossed the truth in there Somewhere. They loved to lie about where they met. My favorite answer to that was "In prison, he was playing the piano-" "-Yeah the prison piano" "-Yeah, and then josh just had to drum along" or whatever LOL i think it took me an Unreasonably long time to catch onto the fact that they Were in fact lying...
I love this song :3 i love that twenty one pilots songs sound Unique to me... and alive... full of emotion... I think it reminds me of a song i will share sometime
i'm noticing i talk a Lot Longer this way... or is it just that its not split into messages? no i definitely think i talk more... i hope you take your time LOL it will remain

MCR... I always feel conflicted cuz i feel like im Too Late as an emo to appreciate them v_y but i get it.... im sorry i didnt get it before.... i get it.... v_yyy sniffles... this song is jst so beautiful and makes me want to Chew Wood. i hope i learn one day which one is mikey and which one is frankie. my ex was named after one of them and i still dont know which is which (i recognize gerard though because of the tumblr girls that are obsessed with forcefemming him)... did these guys Die in this video for realsies?

next... then ill decide if i wanna listen to another. I don't Recognize this one... I don't know that I've heard it based on the title alone..
I don't think I have :o... it is beautiful... I will sit with it.. thank you for sharing
it's making me emotional... why is it so pretty. why does it remind me of 2016 :,D ? this song feels like an Embrace to me right now.
that one was new to me :happywolf: i am glad to have heard it... i hope i can return to it soon

7/2/26 - i miss you.
I still need to draw something for artfight TwT I dont Need To but i really want to. I started something yesterday but didn't get it done... I kind of feel like for the first time in a really really long time, I'm just not all that itchy to draw. Well... I don't feel like i need to draw or im not like, a person anymore. I Want to draw.... Because I want to have created something and i like my own art. But I am not itchy about spending all of my time doing it right now... I think itd be fun for me to figure out how i can balance drawing sometimes And Also living life, because it feels like that balance is really really easy for me to miss.


you inspire me in every direction. just to live with all that i can

i never finished this in the way i wanted to, but it never made me dissatisfied with it either. I just had really big ideas for it LOL (and i Hope i can achieve something like the vision i had in my head someday) i love this piece :3 it makes me smile when i look at it. I'm so Happy with it and what it makes me think of, and the fact that if i saw it on facebook or something when i was 10 it would have knocked my socks off...
thats how i feel about a lot of stuff i build with you
i think with this piece in particular, its so easy for me to imagine the feeling, the textures, especially the sensation that Dusty might have rubbing against Gabes skin / feathers.
part of me is scared im artistically satisfied :o i dont think so though. There's absolutely no Way i'm done, i still feel like i have tons and tons more to learn, about everything. I think especially color and texture for me right now... I set out to improve my color & shading at the start of the year, and i do think I've made progress, but honestly? Maybe not as much as i would have liked.... There's still time before the years over, though, and i know what resources i can lean on to learn. I slowed down with my practice because i wanted to be thorough with understanding how i was shading my cubes and spheres LOL

to be honest? I don't always care too much about receiving art for artfight. I love when it does hit & land, but my goal going into artfight is Not to receive anything and if it didnt seem Rude to have no characters up (+ impossible) i think i might LOL... I just like being able to draw for people without pressure, getting to surprise them with something nice & no expectation that the effort will have to be returned. Sometimes my Frands attack my ocs in ways that make me feel Seen :boanerangel:! and those are my favorites! I think its also sweet to see when someone is like... "I liked your art / characters outside of artfight so i wanted to attack you" its very Sweet...
I hope i'm able to get into gear for artfight cuz its fun and motivating for me to make things for people and see them react... ill fight for fifi honor!

i need to figure out how to make Side Tabs again... they always always always give me trouble, but i like having boxes & decor on the sides and i think im getting better at keeping it predictable. god i am so curious about if you will struggle as much with placement in code as i do LOL
When i listen to certain songs i'll think of you. It makes me want to Feel With You. It makes me want to lay in the sun with you and take a deep breath and know im alive.

I was worried if i'd start writing, i'd get to the end faster than i thought. Now that i've started, i realize how much farther i can go. I feel like i have so many things to tell you. I hope its not too much pressure. to me its like a book you can pick up any time and return to. it is waiting for you...
its a rough morning :( you're helping me through it. i appreciate it. I hate when i have multiple "rough days" in a row. it makes me feel weak. when you endured hard days i thought you were strong. you make me feel strong.
This morning I wished i could hug you! :3i hugged my pillow
I enjoy writing that down dreaming of a day where it would be almost silly to have to wish :3
I am curious how this page will change... I think the layout will change around... I think the rambles will find a way to be compressed (i think its kind of Fun to have the Long... Long scrolling page though, with just thoughts, in some ways..) i Hope i figure out how to reposition the LiS section just Some Amount (and it might become a scrolling box? i started thinking out loud to myself, but now i remember im writing to You, cuz i can tell you how to make a container scroll! you set it to whatever you want the max size to be, any whatever the excess is, your "overflow" property will handle. If you set it to "scroll" the box will scroll! sometimes its tough for me to control if it does it horizontally tho ... Took me Forever to figure out how to do that cuz like. when you try to look up "scrolling" with css you get Other Stuff -w-) i hope to add a lot more decor on the sides... some of it Just being decor, dont worry :3 not Everything will be clickable... but i do love making something clickable as a way to store something, having something i want to share and finding an image to help share it / where i want it to be on the page in relation to the text... kind of fun :3

7/4/2026
hello my friend...
Earlier when I was in the shower, I was thinking about when I was a kid. I would sometimes wish we could have been friends as kids, sometimes id wish this with allen too, just cuz we seem like we'd have overlapping interests and we understand each other Now. But I was thinking about when I was in an art class for homeschooled kids, with like... two other students I think. I remember one of them, I thought he was really good at art, but I remember him I think because he was one of the first people to tell me "You're kinda mean..."
I sat next to him, of course, cuz there were only three students. Whenever he'd say anything or try to engage and i'd have like... Most kinds of reactions, including I just thought it was funnier than it was? I'd say "Shut up!" It wasnt Loud and i didn't think it was Mean, but one day he was like "You're kinda really mean..." (I remember now it wasnt Kinda) and i was like Surprised, and I think i asked what he meant, and he was like "You say shut up a lot..."
He didnt really Look Sad as he said it.. He was doing a smile frown like it was sort of embarrassing to say. But i felt really bad... and embarrassed. And tried to not do it anymore. It was too late though, i think :{ I was nicer, but we never became friends. I often wish I had apologized more overtly v_v...
I think i often get conflicted cuz i think of like. I really wouldnt have wanted to have been mean to you, and i was, a Lot, carelessly. But you also make me appreciate, in the present, Now... That like... You make me feel more like Paarthurnax now :,3 . where just because i had to like... Learn To Be Kind... and I took sometimes Embarrassingly longer than others T_T and others Saw! When i was unkind ... It doesn't mean I am... Flawed Kind... or Evil with Fake Kindness just because i had to learn and maintain it... I used to want to keep you away from the younger me because i was Ashamed of the kid... I am now.. proud of where they tried :,3 ! Thank you for that...
I often feel underdeveloped :[ i think you know why... I feel bad that as a result my friends have to like... sometimes parent me, it feels like v_v it is embarrassing to me... i am so Grateful though :,{ sniffles... i am happy i have someone i can respect so much to learn from now even if its Embarrassing to be underdeveloped in ur presence v_v ... (its okay... you dont even remember when we first met and i embarrassed myself so bad in front of one of my favorite emo dog artists..)

I feel still so happy u are doing this with me and inspiring me and giving me reason to like :3 code... I would probably get almost nothing done today if i didnt have this to do, which kinda sucks to admit. Im figuring out whats mine... Figuring out how ill say my goodbyes, or if i will... I'll just need to pack and set up my phone before i go. I even got little baggies to put my pigment stuff in so i can take it with me... I hope a mortar isnt too noisy to use in an apartment. I wish you werent moving closer to where i am moving away from ...

thank you for going through hard things and still trying to be kind to me. you are my inspiration, and im thinking of you a lot lately. i hope you're okay, i know it takes a lot of energy to worry about a friend. i know its not about returning the favor, but i hope i'll be able to return the favor.

I think i'd like to make a list... maybe somewhere on this page... of things i wanna do... Like. Watch pokemon movies (I havent seen most of them). Go to that one cave near you... make you a painting with pigments from something you send me. Have you read me that book (I think it was "this is how we lose the time war"?) Little things that i can add and look forward to... I'm happy i like hanging out with you and can look forward to it. I do hope you can visit soon.

I am excited to see ur site :3 whatever youve been cooking up... you havent let me see it in a day or two and i am curious.. You're learning way faster than I did and it makes me so happy to see ^__^ and it keeps me trying to stay a little bit ahead (although i really dont think i Am :o my skills flattened out pretty quick) just in case itll give me the opportunity to answer a question.. I hope we can teach each other a lot. I hope we never run out of stuff to teach each other.. I like that you're an artist, a poet, a musician, i like that your heart speaks loud and clear, in any medium. I like that you're smartie and want to stay learning more... Getting to parse your work makes me Happy :3 auh... i am so happy you share it with me. i hope you continue to create. i hope i get to continue to see.
I like hearing you play the piano. When I'm in your house. I really liked that sometimes I could tell when you were waiting or ready by hearing the piano. I thought it was so pleasant that ... anyone could tell when you were playing... and you were free to play. And my god you're good at it... I am so Impressed every time T_T you make pretty stuff so easily.. It sometimes strikes right through me in an almost painful way. It makes me both wish the rest of the world could see you, and also that i don't trust the whole world with it. like wanting to show off a beautiful gem, but being afraid of who might try to steal or chip it. Or just be Careless... Or just. Not appreciate its beauty. Not all of you deserve to see this, but this deserves to be seen.
When you showed me your... screenplay? is that what its called? About the two... I think siblings? Calling? I don't remember very well now, I'm sorry, but at the time I was really impressed with what you were showing me.. I cannot believe you can just... you have always been so good at creating ! :,3 i am so excited.. to see what you will do and where you will go. i love that you want to chase your dreams and are so passionate about it being real....

can you teach me how to rp :3 ...... i am Scared to learn. i am scared to ask. i dont know how it "starts" LMAO i am Scared of being like... doing something where youre like "oh.. its not Supposed to go like that ':3? !" i am scared of being too embarrassed to "do it right" but i warnt to... LMAO and i am just so scared to ask ... i feel like the most fun i could have is if i could let myself play with dolls with u irl but i am still too rigid and locked up . do u think its possible. i wrote in my journal like 8 months ago Sad that i was like 'I feel like ill never learn to rp :( " im even scared of writing this in a line of code HELP ME BRO HOW DO I BE FREE do you think we can start with webpages

ahem. straightens tie. anyways. im tired. i think im rambling just in part cuz i like talking to you and i want to have more entries but i hope future ones are better =w= ... sorry theyre not all Quality quality... I am comforted knowing one day they'll be one small page in a bigger pile, like a thread in a tapestry. I am grateful for all of the support you are giving me lately. I appreciate you being emotional on my behalf, it Helps me feel less crazy while also like... not ... needing to feel it all Myself right now.. I need to hold onto a lot of feelings until im not surrounded by dis stuff :[ .
i like you a lot :3 your company and your presence in my life. i dont know if i have ever met anyone else that i just Enjoy Talking to so much, even just Listening to (I feel bad sometimes when i get more into a Listening mood than talking mood, i am greedy) and like, who inspires me to want to be more Me by being themselves... Other people inspire me like this, but no one so so much. I think about Cooking :,3 and how u like... learned so much about taking care of urself and making good food.. i want to be like that too... i always have but it never seemed feasible. you help show me.

I remember when I realized I Really liked listening to you speak. Two combined instances... Once you like... Started rattling off this Insane insane hyphothetical that was insanely detailed so much so that i cant even Hope to begin to remember it, Something involving a plate of pickles at some point?? idek i just remember being positively enthralled.. And then you reading Dogscape... You were so Good at it... I am embarrassed to admit it, I almost hope you don't see this, but of course a part of it that i don't know if ive ever acknowledged is that I just really like your voice
I didn't know if I'd ever been so locked in on someone speaking... Normally my mind would have wandered and I'd lose where I was and it'd be stressful trying to keep up. I was just enchanted... I've met other people who can storytell and hold my attention like this, since this, but still, i dont know... It was just effortless. Dogscape was so visual and clear the way you told it to us...
i've always been soooo :3 .... ive always thought u were so cool... ^__^ ..... goodnight my friend

7/8/26 - 5:36 am
I've been thinking about you a lot. Of course we've been talking a lot. A lot of things are hard for me to work through right now and it's been leaving me feeling like I have not that much room and time and energy left to be a person, which Sucks cuz I want to keep writing this here. I feel hesitant to put thoughts from lately down, since recently they all seem so confused and frantic. I do a lot of thinking in the shower, and when I lay in bed at night. I've been trying to find out what some things mean to me. It's been hard. I feel like I have a lot of distractions. I dont know if I Like the answers I feel like I'm finding. Everything sort of makes me uncertain. I kind of feel like I'm out of my depth, some moments. I think my feelings are getting more confused as I try to hold and keep track of more of them... Writing out from the center into an unruly size and shape. a lot of them are about you...

I've been feeling really sad and confused. I've been feeling a lot like I don't really and never really understood some core parts of the world I thought I already had figured out. I'm feeling really confused about how I identified and labelled a lot of my feelings. I feel ... a little shocked at what I am doing Now, especially to the people close to me here. But also, in a way, i'm not really surprised at all. It's sudden, but it's not like there were no signs. I talked and talked about leaving and how this place was killing me, about how I needed to be far away. I kind of... I think I thought that dreaming of it while being trapped was just what some people get. I thought at best I could work at a local gas station and become a Miserable but recognizable local(Kind of like Jesse). It seemed like a shallow future. Part of me felt(feels?) like I was too maladjusted to... low stimulation and loneliness for almost all of my life, and now dropping me in with a pack will make me So Sick. Part of me felt like I just hadn't mastered making the best of what I had. I have a lot of doubts and fears still. In a few days I won't live here anymore, and I might never see here again. Maybe. I dont know. Its possible. Like Texas. I don't think I really realized, or processed, that whoever I had seen, I had seen for the last time. I was really bad about that. I think I've mentioned before how on the last day of middle school, I was really confused why everyone was so emotional. I didn't realize it was the last time I would be seeing a lot of those people. I wouldnt have cared that much, anyways, if i had realized. I just kinda wish I knew, cuz it felt like I got bamboozled. By my own obliviousness. I sort of did the same thing when I left HS & Texas. I didn't realize that the last day I saw my friends at school was the last day. When I last saw my 1 friend an hour away in Texas, I didn't realize it was the last time. I think it bothers me how many times I didn't realize it was the last time. i wish i could hug my friend goodbye, but i am.... scared of him not understanding and it snagging more painful for me than if i just held my breath and left.

I hope i do better. i hope i can make you proud.. i hope i can grow strong. i am terrified and still clawing forward...

I am grateful for our OCs right now... Several of them, in a lot of ways. I think Dusty having like, his entire better life waiting for him down south makes me hopeful in the way that makes me understand why ppl care about bible stories. I am grateful for my own Helieth. I Know for him, leaving wasn't Easy or something he wanted to do, it was extremely painful and left him like... much much weaker than before, at first. And he Loved the people he was leaving, and he hoped that maybe someday they would Understand and maybe they could cross paths again on the same side. But he couldnt stay there trying to convince them... And when he built something new, his own, and true to his heart, he regained so much strength...

I am sad, but hopeful, when I give myself time to think. Helieth carves hope out of a one way expedition. There is hope in a one way journey... holding myself and telling myself it is okay, and i will be okay...
I'm really trying to figure stuff out. i hope when i have it figured out, i have something good for us to work with

7/9/2026
tomorrow i am leaving... I might not be able to talk to you for a few days, or like, most people. I'm a little scared of getting lonely. I'm a little anxious about road trips, too.. I am curious about how this will go. We might stop at your dads place, which is crazy to me... I didn't know it was South of where I am, I think I thought it was just East. I have no idea what this part of the country looks like. My brother lives in that state, that your dads apartment is in, i'd like to visit him sometime. He really wants me to visit, he thinks I'll like it.
I'm trying to write a bit down about the 'dungeons' in unchained :3 ... scoots in and leans up to you.. ill tell you a secret... they're inspired by dimensional doors mod, minecraft, in part. I honestly think a lot of the parts of the world are inspired by minecraft LOL... I think unchained is like a flat Huge realm in my mind... like a minecraft world... with other worlds accessible through like.. portals... like dimensions :3. i never knew if that was too silly to admit but i always liked my world more when i felt like it was a size i couldnt contain or handle. When I would lucid dream, i used to sometimes try to fly. I would try to fly as far and fast as I could, and I'd sometimes be able to fly over big stretches of land... For a few minutes. And then it'd sort of run out of "rendering power" and the world would slow down and the fog would close in, and the world would feel small and limited. Also like a minecraft world, on a low render distance. I couldn't really imagine distance. I wanted to be able to fly as far and fast as my body would take me, but I'd hit the limits of the simulation first. I want a world to imagine where something like Helieth could fly fast and far, and never be found, and not even come Close to exploring all of what the world has to offer. Endless world... Scary in some ways, I think. Untameable. Practically inhospitable for humans LMAO but fun to get to imagine!

ive been sketching a little more. i got two pieces done for artfight, i still hope i get more done but iiii... LOL i dunno i have Priorities rn even if i Love My Ratio... Ive been sketching ocs and i think ill show you sometime, but they dont feel good enough for me to break out the scanner right now... I am really glad for ocs right now... I think if i didnt have them i'd be worse off (I feel this way Often. #MyVices) and i am grateful for something that is easy and meaningful to hold. i like that our ocs love each other, and so much of what they do is trying to celebrate that. I do feel my itch to draw slowly coming back... mostly from working on this site and poking at ocs. I keep thinking of things i'd like images for and it'd be way faster & more in line with what i want to make them than search for them.... I hope I draw more when I'm back down there, for a period I was like "I need to have an identity Outside of art so i need to tolerate not being able to draw" but tbh its been long enough and i miss it :[ . I want to go back to trying to capture things about ocs...
Oh! I made some rocks as page decor :] i figured id use some to decorate the page... it was fun and i want to make more... of different sizes... I think my hope is that eventually i can build a scene with layered elements with html. It took me a Long time to even remotely get a grasp on the positioning, so i think im a lot closer than i was... exciting... i feel like i will try something Soon...