🐕 LIAM VON KIESLING JR. 🐕

HUMAN

MALE

HE/HIM

25

ASSIGNED ALBUM

IMPENETRABLE CEREBRAL FORTRESS

by Gulch

TRIVIA

- 6'5" and gay.

- February 28th

- Focused, direct, intelligent, principled, intense, and loyal.  Level-headed, solid, and steady when in a calm environment. Values fairness Deeply; he is extremely empathetic and sensitive to injustice, but is prone to expressing that pain as frustration rather than sadness. 

- Extremely dependable when it comes to honoring commitments and doing what he believes is right.  Goodhearted, but doesn't have a soft and Gentle demeanor.  Speaks directly and can carry himself in sort of an intense way: he has good posture, holds his head up/doesn't round his shoulders and sink his chest in, and often stands with his arms crossed.  He does a lot of Thinking (and Stressing) and his resting expression, especially when deep in thought, looks very Stern.

- Generally pretty imposing, and not always intentionally.  He takes up a lot of space…  He's tall, very strong and muscular, has a pretty resonant and sometimes sort of flat (almost Skeptical sounding) voice.  He emotes with his brows a good amount (especially when thinking or expressing disapproval), furrowing and raising them in a way that can make him come off as sort of critical, which... he Can be sometimes -w-

- He is in some ways both Quite Pragmatic and Extremely Pedantic.  He values Getting Shit Done and Getting Shit Right.  If someone is getting really in the weeds and it's preventing them from getting the job done/understanding the Point, he will spell things out and stress what's important/advise them to focus on only what is actually necessary.  In situations where being more detail oriented, accurate, and/or nuanced makes a difference, he can be Very precise (and sort of Stubborn about it).  He doesn't like Carelessness--he thinks through things fully and doesn't like to gamble.  If he can be certain of something, he will try to be, and if there's a right way for something to be done, he won't settle for "good enough" or get lazy and haphazard.  He takes the things he does seriously, and gets a quiet but Solid sense of satisfaction and pride from doing things Properly and not cutting corners or letting himself lose focus and get sloppy.

- He likes sharing opinions and debating with his friends!  He can get kind of intense and animated even when agreeing with and supporting his friends, feeding off of and returning their agitation or excitement easily.  He’s fun to rant to/with!  :3  He can be kind of critical of the media he consumes and tends to get kind of stubborn and die on the wrong hill in low-stakes friendly "debates,” but he certainly doesn’t ruin a good time for himself and over-analyze the quality of everything he enjoys.

- Serious and reserved in public.  He’s not extremely outgoing, socially, and is generally pretty Quiet around strangers.  He has alarmingly untreated and undiagnosed anxiety and OCD.  He can be prone to stress, paranoia and obsessive rumination (particularly about his identity and the safety of his loved ones), and is honestly just Shy and socially awkward.  He gets nervous around new people (it’s Worst with women and children.  He doesn’t want to intimidate them and doesn’t trust himself to know what to say to them…  :’3), but instead of being visibly Timid and Skittish, he comes off as very to-the-point, and sort of stern and gruff.  Sometimes he gets visibly tense, but he does Not read as unsure of himself.  He SEEMS more confident than he is, sometimes: when he is afraid, he speaks Concisely and tries to stand his ground until the interaction is over.

- For Liam, fear VERY often manifests in him being sort of Stiff, guarded, and defensive/prone to deflecting via aggression if he feels threatened.  He is not a violent or cruel person by nature, but he is fearful in a way that makes him Reactive.  He does not like expressing vulnerability, and is scared of the Feeling of helplessness and fear.  His instinct (an impulse which he struggles to control in the heat of the moment/when his fight or flight response gets set off) is often to puff himself up big and scary in response to what he perceives as someone targeting a weak point.  To put it in less clinical terms, if you make a jab at him, he’ll have a hard time stopping himself from snapping back at you to try and make you Back Off.  While someone else might be able to calm down and remind themselves that they’re free to Leave and find a place that feels more safe, Liam will be much more easily goaded into an exchange that has a serious chance of escalating into a fight, if the other person doesn’t heed his warnings.  Liam’s temper can be easily exploited by jerks who want a reaction out of him, but also by his loved ones if they behave in a way that makes him feel trapped, attacked, or exposed.  He’s sensitive and easily stressed, and he is Not good at controlling his emotional reactions to fear.  His susceptibility to slipping into aggression in the face of stress has cost him a number of friendships in the past.

- Liam’s problems with anxiety and reactivity make him Hate Himself.  He hates lashing out, he hates losing his cool, he HATES being angry, and he hates that he struggles to Stop.  It makes him Miserable, and it makes the problem Worse.  He is trying hard to get control over his emotions, and he’s made a Lot of progress, but he really struggles to allow himself to Feel his fear without channeling it into defensiveness/trying to Escape it in a destructive way.  He deals with some pretty intense self loathing that can lead to terrifying thought spirals, and he fears that he is a monster and is Inherently Bad at his core–that his aggression in the face of fear is who he TRULY is, and that he’s beyond help.  He is scared that he’s an Evil person, and addressing that fear head on is terrifying to him.  He’s gotten better about leaning on his loved ones instead of lashing out when his fear is exposed or directly acknowledged (especially when it comes to Dutch, who he has worked Hard to successfully build a peaceful and safe relationship with after getting off to a tumultuous and mutually Extremely toxic start), but he still has a ways to go.  Nowadays, though, most of the progress he needs to make has to do with finding the strength to let himself be vulnerable, stop chasing his thoughts in circles/seeking objective answers about the nature of morality (seriously… philosophers have been trying to solve this one since ancient times.  A Floridian line cook in his mid 20s with OCD is Not gonna be the one to crack the “nature vs. nurture” debate.  Go kick a ball outside or something, man…), and just Forgive himself for long enough to practice new habits instead of bristling at the first sign of fear and falling into a pattern that just makes him and everyone around him feel Worse.  He’s working on it… -w-  He will get there.

- He plays hockey!  He’s played since the start of middle school, and he LOVES it.  He took it very seriously up until high school, and he showed a lot of promise, but he wanted to focus on his other passions and didn’t want to let it take over his life in an attempt to turn it into a career.  He doesn’t half-ass participating on an amateur level, though.  He likes being on the ice a lot, and will skate just for the hell of it when he has time, especially with Dutch!  :3

- He is a total gym bro!  Honestly, he’s more of a Fanatic.  He has a Huge special interest in exercise science, nutrition, cooking and food history, and anatomy.  He is very interested in understanding how the body works, grows, heals, and adapts, as well as how energy is stored, used, and converted.  He really loves food!  He works as a line cook (his job is Very fulfilling to him, and he takes it Seriously.  He holds himself to a high standard and takes pride in his work) and has had a passion for cooking, experimenting with food, and exploring different cuisines since he was little.  The cultural and scientific aspects of cooking both interest him a Lot, and he realized at a pretty young age that bodybuilding could allow him to combine and nurture both of his biggest passions.  He LOVES the gym.  He loves cooking, he loves eating, he loves lifting, cardio, seeing the numbers go up, charting out macros, packing his diet full of the requisite nutrients he needs and seeing results… He’s very strong (his legs especially are Huge), and while he isn’t shrink-wrapped and dehydrated, he has impressive muscle definition and definitely sports a six-pack in the summer.

- Very passionate and intelligent when it comes to politics.  His memory for political events and voting histories of different political figures is impressive, and he does his research: he’s good at identifying patterns in politics and using past knowledge of the relevant political climate and its government to understand the motivation behind (and predict the consequences of) the actions of politicians as they are happening.  If he doesn’t already know about a political figure, he’ll do background research and Check to see what story their actions are telling instead of just taking their words at face value.  He is good at recognizing campaigning and advertising tactics (politically, and just in General.  He’s sharp, and he doesn’t like being marketed to) and he’s good at figuring out who will actually benefit from economic and political changes.  His bullshit detector is very strong and is aided by his willingness to do his homework and compare the promises that public figures are making in the present to their actions and words in the past–especially if there’s a point of incongruence that they “conveniently” won't bring up Themselves.

- Loves music!  Plays the electric guitar and can do some pretty solid heavy vocals.  Live shows are a favorite pastime of his, and he really loves hardcore dancing and moshing if the crowd can handle him.  He'll focus on watching the show and sending crowdsurfers up if the pit is full of scrawny 5'7" teenagers, though.  He loves hardcore, deathcore, grindcore, thrash metal, nu metal, and metalcore!   His favorite bands include Psycho-Frame, Lorna Shore, Gulch, Knocked Loose, Korn, Brand Of Sacrifice, System Of A Down, Teeth, Slipknot, Bodysnatcher, Cannibal Corpse, Waking The Cadaver, Girl Of Glass, Lilith’s Demise, Boundaries… and Twenty One Pilots -w- LOL

- He loves video games (he likes multi-player games the Best... Especially PvP racing games, shooters, and fighting games, as well as co-op horror games.  He also really likes single-player tactical RPGs, dungeon crawlers and roguelikes, and the Fallout franchise), Berserk, and hair dye!  He's been gradually getting a lot more comfortable experimenting with self-expression!  He has discovered that he likes jewelry, and playing around with different clothing, too!  He will wear rings, necklaces, and finds himself wanting more piercings...  This is a pretty big change from the years he spent in his teens as a hardcore bro with a buzzcut :skull: (HE WAS NOT RACIST HE WAS JUST BALD AND 17 <3 LMAO)

- Good, good friends with Clue, Tarish, Dante, and his cousins!  He loves them DEARLY and their safety matters so, so much to him.  They are his Family.

- Crush is his best friend in the World, and the single person who understands him best.  They work together, they’re gym buddies, and they care Deeply for, have personal friendships with, and keep an eye out for each other’s partners too.  They’re like brothers.  

- Gabe, Diana, Florence, and Georgie are his cousins!  He’s the oldest, and he looks after them whether they know it (or like it :p) or not.

- Dutch and Tabitha are his partners... -w- He loves them So Much, and he finds himself amazed that something as Good as their love could truly belong to Him.  He treasures them, and he's grateful for Everything they have done for him; they make him feel like maybe there Is something inside him that can be salvaged (and that's Worth saving), and he wants to build a peaceful future in part so he can spend the rest of it alongside them.  He wants to be someone they can be proud to love.  He has a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that he already is.